I have read and heard much of mother's love. I have experienced the pure unconditional love from my mother, but have always not felt at par with the benchmark mothers. I have always felt I need to grow up in many ways, to reach the bench mark. Even now I am far from the bench mark, but have started realizing one thing, that I enjoy being a mom.
Grown up kids. You don't have to keep chastising and feel bad for the same. You can talk in the direct language, no simplification, no dilution needed in words and content. They can understand you. We should only know how much to tell, how long to tell. The longer your speech, the more tired they are to listen. Once you are precise in your diction and effective in presentation, you are heard, you are understood. What else you need as a parent. This doesn't need a training as such, but only pure love, unconditional love. When the innate love in you is full and vibrant, you won't complicate words and toughen your stands. Not all days are dark or the whole day is dark. Light and darkness do alternate each other. Hence when you feel a day was hard with your kid, don't try to resolve it the same day. Give it a day or two. It would be stressful to put up with odd behaviour patterns with children. But after you convey your dissatisfaction, wait, not only for them to melt down, but you to calm down and get the balance. Once we understand these intricacies we can pass this phase smoothly.
Tholukku minjinaal thozhan which means once your child grows above your shoulders they are your friends. They really are!!! Would anyone want to lose that friend? All parents need to remember this, that they are friends and not your children any more, share your ups and downs with them, that will urge them to share theirs with you. Give them the feeling that you are not going to bark and bite them for the worst of mistakes lest they should not open up at all. That is a bad state of affairs. Let them talk their heart, let them talk their mind. It may be shocking, you may not want to hear but you can't let them shut those emotions up. You need to know their mind, unless you let them talk how will they open up.
Let them have their privacy but don't let them develop secrecy. All these are not just ideals. These are possible, when you give them long rope and let them enjoy all they wish with in that rope. Once you lose control and shout or hit, they are not innocent enough to respect you still. The Generation Next has a lot of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth. It is not like how our parents who followed 'spare the rod and spoil the kid' formula.
Once all these are taken care of and you try to be a friendly parent, you are the most wanted. I bet you. The pure love that exudes from the heart's depth cannot be veiled, will not be distorted until it reaches the target - your dearest friend, your daughter or son.
Not only emotional support, they look upon you for a lot of physical support in the sense, they demand your physical effort, in terms of variety of food. The world now is full of junk food and ia also full of the knowledge that junk food is not good. Hence they know not to indulge in it too much. So they want you to attend to their palate lavishly. They demand openly. Feel good you are 'wanted'. Try and chisel your culinary skill. Your love will bring out the best in you I am sure. Don't feel lazy to explore your kitchen. Dont pick the word 'slog' to describe your status. Enjoy the chore. Your children (friends) will definitely give you a break when you need. Once in a while, when you are too tired they will adjust with the stuff you feed and will not forget that their mom is the best waiter for them. Giving them a break with ordered food will also help occasionally.
It is very important for a mom to be healthy- mentally, emotionally and physically to cope with the new age kids' needs. Hence appeal all my friends out there to keep a healthy mind, body and soul to give the best generation next.
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